Alright I dont usualy follow people but I really need to vent so I'm using kalinkas journal idea..But I'm writing it kinda differnt that she did. ------------------------------------------------------ I've worked thinkg out with sean and matthew but I still dont think I'm okay. Anything I could have had with matthew is ruined beacuse of some little ass whole telling my boyfriend I was cheating on him with matthew and I was going to try and tell him and work thing's out but I guess it's ruined anyways. I have my boyfriend still and I love him but...After this whole thing I dont think he trusts me. And if cant trust me I dont want to be with him beacuse lack of trust is usualy what hurts people the most. I dont know what to do now. It's so hard to talk to him beacuse he is ever emotional. And plus, My chances with matthew are probibly long gone. SO I dont know. Dramatic overdrive, Jesse

Well scince I cant contain myself anymore hear is the next part of my story.
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I clicked on my seat belt as matt sped outa the parking lot and down the street. I loved how fast he went around corners. His driving was almost..soothing. We drove around town for a few hours and he bought us some dinner. "So wher to now?" Matt said looking out the window."I think I know." I swiched seats with him and turned on the car. I may have bin only 15 but I knew how to drive. Growing up wher I grew up you learn to drive real young. I lived in a little run down house with the shingles falling off and the gates all rusted. I lived in the ghetto. Plain and simple. I decided to take matthew to my secret spot wher I got to write or draw or just kinda be alone. "Were hear" I parked the car and got out. The stars hung overhead in the sky like little twinkling lights. Matthew followed me outa the car and pulled me on the hood."WEEE!!" I cried. He was always picking me up and hugging me. It felt so right but yet, I felt so shy sometimes. I sat real close to him and leaned on his shoulder."I dont ever wanna go home matt."He wrapped his arm around me and put his head on mine."I dont want you to either." I could feel a hand running up my shoulder, then up my neck. I started giggling wildly as matt grabbed me and started tickleng my ears. He knew that was my one weakness. I figeted and kicked and somehow he ended up ontop of me, his weight pinning me down agianst the hood. He stopped trying to tickle me and we just layed ther. His face moved close to mine, our lips almost met. He softly kissed me as I snaked my arms around his neck." Wait, my phone." I fished around in my pocket for it and finaly awnserd it.
"Hello?"
"Maggie wher the fuck are you!?" Screamed my obviously drunk mother.
" I'm with matthew and some people." I winked at matthew.
"Well get the fuck home. Your grounded."
I glanced over at matthew and he frowned.
"No.....I cant be. I'm never coming home."
I smiled confidently at matthews horrified look.
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Done
Yup,
Jess

Well scince I cant contain myself anymore hear is the next part of my story.
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I clicked on my seat belt as matt sped outa the parking lot and down the street. I loved how fast he went around corners. His driving was almost..soothing. We drove around town for a few hours and he bought us some dinner. "So wher to now?" Matt said looking out the window."I think I know." I swiched seats with him and turned on the car. I may have bin only 15 but I knew how to drive. Growing up wher I grew up you learn to drive real young. I lived in a little run down house with the shingles falling off and the gates all rusted. I lived in the ghetto. Plain and simple. I decided to take matthew to my secret spot wher I got to write or draw or just kinda be alone. "Were hear" I parked the car and got out. The stars hung overhead in the sky like little twinkling lights. Matthew followed me outa the car and pulled me on the hood."WEEE!!" I cried. He was always picking me up and hugging me. It felt so right but yet, I felt so shy sometimes. I sat real close to him and leaned on his shoulder."I dont ever wanna go home matt."He wrapped his arm around me and put his head on mine."I dont want you to either." I could feel a hand running up my shoulder, then up my neck. I started giggling wildly as matt grabbed me and started tickleng my ears. He knew that was my one weakness. I figeted and kicked and somehow he ended up ontop of me, his weight pinning me down agianst the hood. He stopped trying to tickle me and we just layed ther. His face moved close to mine, our lips almost met. He softly kissed me as I snaked my arms around his neck." Wait, my phone." I fished around in my pocket for it and finaly awnserd it.
"Hello?"
"Maggie wher the fuck are you!?" Screamed my obviously drunk mother.
" I'm with matthew and some people." I winked at matthew.
"Well get the fuck home. Your grounded."
I glanced over at matthew and he frowned.
"No.....I cant be. I'm never coming home."
I smiled confidently at matthews horrified look.
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Done
Yup,
Jess

Alright by popular demand(Yes marr, I decided to write this beacuse of YOUR deamnd) part 2 of my story!!! I need a name for it.....Anyone got any ideas??????
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"Soooooooo wher ya wanna gooo??" said matt dancing around infront of me as we walked out of our institution of a school. I shruged" It's completly up to you. I'm just glad I dont have to go home." I cringed at the thought of what was waiting for me. A big,smelly,stupid,angry.... I shook my head to clear my thoughs and put on my best fake smile for matt. He smiled back. "I can tell you dont wanna go home. Why is that? he said moving closer to me as we walked.I shruged again and avoided looking him in the eye. He grabbed my shoulders." Maggie.....I know thers something." I looked down and pulled up my shirt to exposed my batterd sides."My step dad got violent again." He gently hugged me as the tear's started slipping out of my eyes."You gotta get outa ther maggie.You cant keep going on like this.Cant your mom see that he's a jackass?" I shook my head" She called me a dirty rotten liar last time I tried to tell her about it.And it's not like I can tell anyone..They dont let me talk to anyone and my step dad thretend to kick my ass worse than usual if I told anyone." More tears slid down my face as he let go of me. "Maggpie, If you wont do anything I will." I smield abit. I loved when he called me that. It felt like I had someone who loved me when he did. I got into the passenger seat of his car and put my seat belt on."So, Wher are we off to?" I asked."Oh hunn, You'll see."
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Like my cliffhanger? Haha. I suck at writing but yea know...Like kalinka said, Theriputic.Makes me feel better.
Yeeahum,
Jesse

Alright I was up late last night and I decided to write a story. I'm going to break it down but I'll give you the first part and if you think I should keep adding additional part's then just let me know.
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Part 1...

I slammed my french book down on the desk and took my seat. French was an incredibly hard subject to pay attention in concidering the fact that this could have possibly bin the worst day of my life. First of all my mom wont get off my back about my clothes and how I dont dress like a lady, Then I had to walk to school in the pouring rain and lightning, I failed my math test and now the man of my dream's is avoiding me."ugh" I slammed my head down on the desk and closed my eyes . I awoke with a jump and a scream. I looked down at the long ruler on my desk. A big sheepish grin formed on my face as the whole class broke out in laughter. I looked up at the clock as the bell rang and bolted outa the class. I went to my locker and began to spin the dial.." Ugh....I forgot it again." I jumped as I felt someones warm breath in my ear" Hey darlin...You busy?" came the raspy voice. I giggled and shook my head. "Matt I know it's you....And you know that voice creep's me out right?" " Hahaha I know...But really you busy? Wanna hang out with me?" He asked. I gave my lock one more shot.I'm busy." I replied with a smile."Awwww come on pleeeeeeaaaassseeeeee?" He made a cute little puppy face."....Okay okay. I'll hang with you." He jumped up and down and ran down the hall." I need to go to my locker I'll be back!!!!!!!!!" He yelled and pushed open the door. I shook my head and smileld. Maybe he wasent avoiding me.
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Well ther ya have it. Part one fo my story. Like it or not that is what it is...*confused look* Tell me if you want part 2 up.
Pmsing,
Jesse

Alright I'm feeling pretty down right now so I'm going to drain my feeling's into this next....Whatever you wanna call it...

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I'm in pain from
The sleepless nights wondering if you love me
The day's gone by without food, My stomac wrenching at the thought of you with someone eles
All the time's I cried thinking about how I'm gunna hurt him...
Like romeo and juliet embracced in a kiss,
The sweet sorrow of forbiden love
It make's me think about myself
How sick I get when I look in the mirror
How much I hate myself for loving you
My mind is slowly slipping away
Like the time gone by waiting for you to show me if you love me
Do you love me?
Dont let my mind die
Dont let my soul go
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Whatever,
Jesse

"Look at the people." Is the phrase kalinka and I are using for lighting blog.

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He drink's another beer then pop's another pill
To wash away the pain, to numb the brain
He messed up his life, He lost his kid's and wife
He aint bin sobber scince
When he chug's, I wince
Just look at all the people
They fuel your hate, But you deicde your fate
You grip that bottle like it could save your life
But really you just destroyed mine
Cant you see the hurt in my eyes
When you get that look
That look...It hurt's me so..
Daddy,
please come home
please go back to the way you were
Before you sank to the bottom of that bottle
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Pretty self explanitory.
Not so glam,
Jesse

Okay well I'm not really ready to write the next part to my story beacuse I'm going to wait till he writes another part so I can write a REEEEEAAAALLLYYY long one. Instead I'm playing single player lighttning blog. I had another brill idea but I wont tell you all what it is I wanna see if you all get it.

In between.

Danni
"No sean I didnt stop loving you. Yes sean, We're still a couple.Just please calm down hun. Okay okay. I love you to.Bye." I threw down the phone and fixed my eyeliner in the mirror. Matthew would be hear soon. Over the past month we had become really good friends bonding over stuff like the drama club and the fact that both of us were practicaly the same. I smield at the thought of him and me. We were so great together. He was perfect for me. But so was sean in one way or another. The sound of the doorbell broke into my thoughts. I bolted down the stairs and ajusted my pig tails. I opend the door and smiled as matthews jaw dropped.

Matthew
"50.....52....53....54..." I counted the house number in my head. Where the hell was 59?"ahha!" I exclaimed as I came upon it. I stopped to check myself out before knocking on her door. I smoothed back my hair and made sure my teeth were white and my breath didnt stink. I couldnt scare her away comletly could I now. I rang the doorbell and took a deep breath. This was practicaly a date for us. Going out for halloween together..Just her and I. I heard the door open and my jaw dropped. I started at her feet and worked my way up. Black converse, fishnet leggings, a short red and black dress big red and black eye lashes, black wings, cherry red lips......"Wow....Cool costume." I stammerd.

Danni
He stammerd out a compliment and I ran to get my sweater and we left. We walked pretty close to eachother and our hands touched a few times. It was a pretty good night in all. We got a ton of candy each and we had fun walking around and talking. We walked back to my house and went and sat in my room. we both dumped out candy out on my bed and started sorting it out."I GOT A RECCE PEANUT BUTTER CUP!!!!!!!!" screamed matthew. I turned my head like linda blair in the excorsist and dove on him."GIMME!!!!!" I giggled and pinned him down.

Matthew
The night went pretty well. She was flirting like crazy with me. After we finished off the last block in the neighbour hood we went back to her house to sort out the candy. We dumped it all out on her bed and started looking."I HAVE A PEANUT BUTTER CUP!!" I yelled. I knew she loved them so I would taunt her with them. Little did I know she was going to tackle me. For a little chick she was a damn strong one. We kinda wrestled abit before I could get her down. She was giggling the whole time....Something I had never heard her do." OKAY,okay I give! I give!!" she said inbetween breaths and giggles."I was going to let you have it anyways." And I handed it to her. She ate it contently and we both sat on her floor in silence. But it wasent akuard. We just kinda....looked at eachother. I wanted..

Danni
...to kiss him. After all this time I couldnt belive that it was finaly just us...Alone.. The silence just made it harder and harder to stay faithful to sean. I couldnt help feeling like this for him. Sean was all the way on the other side of the country. I never see him. It's normal I feel like this right? Our eyes met. I took a deep breath and leanded forward. I felt his lips on mine. I knew what I had to do. I kissed him.
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Well see if you can figure it out.

Problems,
Jesse

"The ghost of who she was."


The ghost of who she was never wanted to be
A normal girl like any other you would see roaming the hall's.
Never harmed a soul.Never spoke a word.
Now she sleeps with the worm's.
They eat away at her flesh like the words of the fool's who hated her
They didnt like what she was or how she acted
Just being herself drove her mad
By changing herself she changed his life
When his life changed, her's ended
The though of him being gone killed her
Literaly..
She slowly went downhill
Like the tears rolling down his cheeks at her funeral
He placed a paper in her casket
It read:
"My love, My darling,
You took your life beacuse of me.
I'm such a fool. I"m the fool who killed you.
I'll see you in heven my love. Tonight I'm leaving,seee you around
next time you see me I'll be six feet under ground. Good Bye and good night my lover,
My killer."
That night he took his own life. Just to feel again.
How foolish.
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Dont ask.
I hate love,
Jesse

Now I know kalinka's gunna love this. I'm going along with my song idea again and the song I chose was "I'll cover you" by angel and collins from rent. Inspite of "recent events" I need to vent some stuff about love.
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I'll Cover you.
My lover,my life.
My affair,Your knife.
Drive you over the edge
When you saw me on his bed
I took your life and you spaired mine
The day I got the call,
I could'nt belive my ears
Or my head
If I had only lisend to my heart
You would still be hear
This would have never have happend
Your the one that I want
I think fo you night and day
Is your soul still with me?
Or did it fade away?
Just like you and I
....And the other guy.
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We'll I guess you all can kinda tell what I'm thinking right now.
So if you dont well.....LEARN!...
Hit in the ass with cupids arrow,
Jesse



P.m.s This is my theory. Its not about ALL men but it's about most.


Some wher along the chain of evolution men got brain damage from getting hit in the head with a rock. That permanaently affected them FOREVER. A woman threw the rock.

Torn

Rip me open
Sew me shut
Cant shake this feeling in my gut

He love's me and I love him..
And him....
Time to play the match game all over again

It's a game of luck
With cupid's arrow I am struck.
My heart is torn apart, The bleeding wont stop

Deep wound
Surgery wont fix
I cant belive I fell for you

Did you fall for me to?
Is it love?
Or infactuation?

Meaningless fling?
Or the real thing?
I need to know

Dont let me die hear
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Well once again...You like it or go to hell.
Maddddddddd,
Jesse